24 Mei 2003

I write this because of a great indebtedness I feel to all that have stood by my family and me over these past troubled times, and continue to do so. Family, friends, colleagues and Harley members. I also write it as a small tribute to Mart, my dearest wife and my best friend who so enjoyed life, family and Africa.

She was different to any I know, maybe because of how well I knew her, but I suspect it’s just because that is how she was. What she was to me, my family, friends and her children, goes something like this…….

For me, it started like this……….I, like a young male Egyptian goose, used to strut my way around the green grasses of the vlei, not caring who’s turf I walked on and not worrying about the dominant male of the resident flock. My mates and I would walk around doing as we pleased, when we pleased, trying not to do too much harm but not really managing to keep out of it. Then I met Mart……........

She came into my life in a way that was not like the noisy, raucous fashion that I would have been accustomed to as an eligible beautiful Egyptian Goose Drake. Her influence and our feelings were built more on the plane of two giraffe entwined in their soft mating dance, quietly building a relationship that was deep, solid and ongoing forever. She gradually unearthed in me a soft serenity that I did not know existed, that was as soft and tranquil as the giraffe’s love dance. It cemented a partnership between us that was for life, as it is for Egyptian Geese. I would strut around now, feeling as if I was walking as tall as the trees but behind me there was this ever strong, content, amazingly strong person in Mart to whom I could talk, confide, lean on. Always and ever willing to be there when needed, letting me walk amongst the tree tops when I wanted, but also vigilant enough and attentive enough to pull things into perspective. A mate who understood, felt and lived.  

We then got married – 8th October 1983 (35 years ago)  - and she bore me the three wonderful children I have. Once again, she proved to me that I knew little of the strength and depth of this person that I was now attached to for life. She had the perfect measure of what was required. I loved her more and more every single day – till her death. She knew when I should be the giraffe and allowed to walk high amongst he trees, but also knew when we should shrink down and be a loving goose family walking along with our ducklings. Giving them the love and attention they required. While I was running businesses, she was doing more. Helping me, running the house, running the kids, running me and socialising. No, I’m wrong, she was not running but just doing it all in her stride. Taking on more and more without an unkind word or complaint. She would carry with her a compelling contentment such as portrayed by the leading Matriarch Elephant cow in a herd of adults and infants. She had a quiet dominance and aura that did not need to be physically enforced, but seamed to be telepathically radiated from her like no other person I knew. She always shouldered her responsibilities in love, marriage, children, work, and friendship with the same ease portrayed by these magnificent beasts who bear the same burdens. The closeness she developed with all people she came in contact with,  can only be liked to that created by a creature like and elephant, whose greatness in size is belittled by it’s ability to display affection to those much smaller than itself. It did not matter, greater or smaller, Mart effected mine and others lives positively.

Then came the Harleys. I was now introducing her to the Buffalos of the African Bush. From the outside, they seamed ominous to her. The perceived tradition of motorbikes and the normal fear factor of “I’ve never ridden before” played on her mind – I knew that because I loved and know her. She now though, that her partner wanted it so she would support it, like the Duck, she was solid and was there come hell or high water. We were members of a Harley-Davidson group, Steelwings, in Pretoria. She was now taking on even more in her own efficient manner and in her own way. She decided to conquer the bike and become a very good rider. This was her own challenge, which she took on with the tenacity of a buffalo in the wild, standing and defying the challenge of a pride of lions knowing that all that needed to be overcome was herself. Once the challenge was accepted, Mart found that the “buffalo herd” was more than just a “bunch of bikers” but a family as close and caring as the Elephants, as strong in principal and defiant against wrong doers as the Buffalos, as loving as the Giraffe and as close as the Geese. They were very special and Mart, being as she has I have described above, fitted like a hand in glove. I was once again marvelled at how she adapted and made the “lions” tame and one of her own. 

Her friendliness, love, thoughtfulness, helpfulness and ever-caring attitude was not long ignored within this new “family” because she was them, spirit, and sole in what they stood for. She was them personified, “embodied in one”. As secretary of the Harley club, once again, she took this challenge in her stride. She became the “matriarch” of the herd, looking after their every need, mothering them as her own like a goose with her goslings but being as strong in principal as the buffalo, quietly commanding and soft in touch as the elephant cow.  

Her life was her family, her husband, the “herd” and her friends. As she grew as a bike rider, she felt an immense amount of joy in feeling the Harley ”talk it’s special sound” as she rode it. She was determined to do it justice. She became the fastest lady rider in SA for 2002 on Tarlton. Though she would never brag, I know she was proud of it. She loved the camaraderie that could be depended upon within the herd, and for that special feeling the herd gave her. For this she gave her time and more importantly, her love. This I know she felt, she was that special I could not help but feel it.  She was special and I loved her for that.

As life continued within the different environments that she moved, her presence would bring a special warmth to those she was with. Like the sun rising in the African bush on a cold winter morning, the warmth brought forth by her was like no other. No fire, heater or blanket can produce it. It’s penetration, pleasantness, comfort and completeness is special. This is the warm feeling Mart brought into my life. She was the sunshine, always dependable, always rising, always there. Often I took her for granted knowing that she would be there in her usual way, like the sun, touching, holding, feeling and warming. She was my sun and I loved her.

Then suddenly, that sun went down – like we all new it would but never believed it would ever happen in our time or as soon. I thought I’ll be left in total darkness, as grief blinded my vision of reality – thinking all was lost. Helpless and without my sunlight to give me the warmth I am so used to while carrying on my life as an individual or as member of the Herd. But alas, if I was just to open my eyes and look up, what would I feel and see. Yes, I would feel a little cold in the darkness, but I would see a moon shining on my life! This is that special bit of Mart that is left behind, still reflecting her light from heaven. Still shining on me, throwing that warming light from her wherever she is, looking down upon me. Though I may now think that this moonlight is the glowing celestial body which I see high in the heavens I will eventually realise that that reflected light she left, really lives and shines deep within me and us all…. “herd”, friends and family. It is that light, built on the softness of the giraffes love dance but with the strength of the buffalos and elephants combined, that she imbedded within me and nurtured with every word, touch and interaction she had with me. I know, as well as she, that her light will shine in me, as bright as the sun or dull as the moon at different times as life goes on. I can also be sure that her light will be with me always, night or day, in the memories she has left, and in my own special way that she touched each and everyone of us.

From my side, yes I greave and hurt inside and know this will continue until  I fully grasp the fact that God choose me to be Mart’s Drake for her married life on earth, and replace grief with gratitude. For this privilege, to God,  I am deeply grateful. The feelings, thoughts, memories and the wonderful children she gave me I will always see as part of that light she left behind as my “moon”. In his manner she will always be there. I love her for it and all else she left in that light burning deep inside. I know, one day, I will build on it as will my children. For this privilege, I thank God.

I also know I should have told Mart that I love her for herself and all that she was, more often and to her directly. To have believed that was not important and that “she knew” was fool hardy, silly and taking her for granted. This is one of the true regrets that I carry. I know I cannot tell her now face to face, but as I believe she is out “there” looking in on me, I know she heard me say sorry and in her normal special soft way, forgives me. As sure as the sun and moon go through their cycles, I know I will see her again to tell her face to face.

Subsequent to her sun going down, I have personally felt the love of friends and family she so cherished. To the members, friends and family one and all I extend my love and gratitude for all you have done for my family and myself. I can only attribute such love and kindness as an indication of your respect and love for Mart. For which I thank you and believe that as she looks down upon us,  she is proud to be a member of the “Herd” her family and friends.

To my family, friends, my and Mart’s colleagues I offer all of you my deepest gratitude and thanks for all that has been done, and continues, for my family and myself in our time of grief and rebuilding. Without your help and encouragement, our grief would have multiplied immensely. For all this I love you and thank you. Only God knows how much I loved you and still love you!!! You were my everything.
 

Thank you Mart for everything, your love…..

your everything – I will always remember and love you

ALWAYS

Love Your, friend, buddy and husband Faf xxx

Will love you forever!

There isn't a day that passes I don't think about times gone by. Wishing you didn't have to die. All my hopes and dreams are gone. You took them with you, when you went away. For a long time I would just pretend, You would come back to me again. As the days have come and gone, I am still alone. Months and years have past. Now I know, at last, you are home. You have gone to heaven. And now are my past. I will look to the future. But I still have to ask. Why you had to go, when I needed you so. This is a new life for me. Without you by my side. I'll keep trying to do the best I can. Just keep watch over me , Until we are together again.

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